{"id":134,"date":"2010-05-20T15:27:51","date_gmt":"2010-05-20T19:27:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/2010\/05\/another-day-another-problem\/"},"modified":"2010-11-13T03:01:45","modified_gmt":"2010-11-13T07:01:45","slug":"another-day-another-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/2010\/05\/another-day-another-problem\/","title":{"rendered":"Another Day, Another Problem"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I wish it were Friday. I mean, I\u2019m glad it\u2019s almost<\/i> Friday but it would be SO much better if my week were over in 45 minutes instead of having another day left after this one.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Besides being broke \u2013 because oh dear gods we\u2019ve been so broke and I can\u2019t wait until payday tomorrow to bring the bank account back into the black \u2013 I\u2019ve been feeling really horrible this week. I think I\u2019m having a CFS flare or something. I normally am a little more run down on cycle just because my body\u2019s all busy giving me cramps and such but this week has truly been frightening.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tuesday I was so exhausted that even with chugging a Coke AND taking two Excedrin \u2013 with it\u2019s absurd amounts of caffeine \u2013 I still couldn\u2019t keep my eyes open. My vision was impaired, I was having \u201csmears\u201d and various types of visual distortions\/hallucinations. I was also extremely groggy and unfocused and foggy. It was so bad, I literally felt drugged. I came home, laid down and slept for about an hour and a half and still was tired.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Yesterday and today it\u2019s the same kind of thing but not quite as severe. Still really bad though. This morning, I was getting ready and it was all I could do not to just cry for the physical exhaustion I felt. I still feel like I could break down at any moment. It\u2019s that \u201cso tired you want to cry\u201d feeling of helplessness and frustration at being so physically beaten up.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got about 40 minutes left in my day and I\u2019m fighting to make it through. So I thought I\u2019d stall for a little bit and write up an entry. I can\u2019t tell you how hard the idea of facing ANOTHER day tomorrow is when I feel this way. When all you can think is \u201cplease don\u2019t make me do this\u2026\u201d For anyone who\u2019s never experienced true fatigue, it\u2019s impossible to understand how emotionally devastating it can be in addition to how physically crippling. It\u2019s so far beyond just \u201ctired\u201d it\u2019s not even in the same universe.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wish my business were more successful. Or at least, more consistent. It\u2019s weeks like this were I fight tooth and nail just to get through the PART-TIME schedule I\u2019ve already been reduced to that I wish I could count on my own income to get me through. I wish I didn\u2019t have to put myself through this. I wish I could make enough to contribute to the household through things I can do on my own time in my own way without feeling like I\u2019m taking years off my life to do a job I can\u2019t stand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Days like this I feel so defeated. I feel like I\u2019m never going to be able to stop being so useless and pathetic. I feel broken and stupid because from the outside, I know most people don\u2019t believe I\u2019m sick and they think I\u2019m just lazy or faking it or whatever. Meanwhile every single step is so hard-fought and so costly that I\u2019m killing myself to take it. And for what? I still can\u2019t help contribute to the household in any real capacity and it seems like it\u2019s all just unappreciated effort.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m probably just being stupid and moody and emo or whatever and no one probably even wants to read this anyway. No one cares about this shit and they have their own shit to deal with and after all \u2013 I look fine so it\u2019s all just BS anyway. Been there, done that, sick of hearing M bitch, right? Just a stupid pity-party for one.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m just so tired. And I\u2019m sick and tired of being sick and tired.<\/span><\/p>\n

Posted via email<\/a> from memoryanddream’s posterous<\/a> <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish it were Friday. I mean, I\u2019m glad it\u2019s almost Friday but it would be SO much better if my week were over in 45 minutes instead of having another day left after this one. \u00a0 Besides being broke \u2013 because oh dear gods we\u2019ve been so broke and I can\u2019t wait until payday…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,1,3,14,7,8],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-134","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-finances","category-general","category-mobile","category-phoenixfire-designs","category-health","category-work"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=134"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":542,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134\/revisions\/542"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}