We’re late on rent again for the second month in a row. (And this time, have only until the 7th to pay it or face eviction process. Where am I getting $1,500 in 2 days? Fucked if I know.) <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Love’s job is great, except for the part where it’s a 35% pay cut and it now takes 3 full weeks of checks just to cover rent. (So forget being able to keep current on any bills, let alone catch up or get ahead!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After replacing my coolant tank and battery (about $500 for both) in Dec\/Jan, my 25 year old car started having an acceleration problem, so I had to park it and now it’s been 2 months and the battery is dead and I have no idea when I’ll have money to fix it, so we’re down to one car.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My shows have been so slow all year that most of them I’m running negative<\/em> and not even making enough to cover the cost of being there most of the time. (And it’s not just the money, but the time<\/em> and physical effort<\/em> involved that is also wasted.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve already been living with my torn, left shoulder for five years now. (I have to be stable enough with my autoimmune diseases to come off my meds for 2 months for surgery and I was<\/em> in early 2020, but then…ya know, The Pandemic happened. And now, I’m nowhere near stable to be cleared for surgery, so I just suffer.) And now, the last few months, my right<\/em> arm and shoulder are hurting more and more. I’m sure I’ve damaged it by overtaxing it but now I have zero good arms and I’m in even more<\/em> pain 24\/7.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And my dreams continue to taunt me with my Mom, alive and well, and part of my life, only to wake up and remember all over again that I’ve lost her. Fucking hurts<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Like I said, this is not fine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I don’t even know what fire to try and put out first. Everywhere I look, something else is literally on fire and the most important thing that cannot be ignored – and….I don’t have the resources to tackle it. Or the dozen of other equally critical things that also require my attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’m literally drowning <\/em><\/strong>and I have no way of saving myself. At this point, I’m not even sure I want to. I’m so tired, it’s all so overwhelming, pointless, and I can’t keep feeling this way. It’s not worth it. And it’s never getting better so why am I trying so fucking hard?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Lately, everything feels like the famous meme, “This is fine.” The world is literally on fire around me and I’m just sitting there, drinking my tea in the face of an onslaught of awfulness. I’m being sued. We’re late on rent again for the second month in a row. (And this time, have only until…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4252,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4251","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/thisisfine-hd1sm.png","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4251","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4251"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4251\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4257,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4251\/revisions\/4257"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/4252"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}![\"A](\"http:\/\/giveneyestosee.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/worldburning-500x500.png\")