Friday
It’s a trilogy of fun this morning: my head hurts, my stomach hurts and I didn’t sleep worth a damn. I really needed another half hour or so to address the stomach issues but I was already 10 minutes late, so I didn’t really have MORE time to deal with it. I’m not sure how I’m going to make the entire day though.
And last night, my subconscious decided it would be loads of fun to give me nightmares. All night long, dreams about people I love dying and me being left alone. Awesome. That sort of shit scares me already, normally as it is. I would lose my apartment and have no place to go with no money whatsoever if something happened. Even more so now that Rand’s gone because he at least had a house with a guest bedroom. But if something happened to Love…I’d have no place to go.
I am so not ready to face the day today. I so don’t want to be here. (Which is why I’m stalling and writing up an entry instead of making my calls.) I’m so on the edge of tears right now, it’s absurd. Even typing this, I can’t think about it too much or I’m going to cry. Today feels like one of those real, “I’m going to totally break down” days. These tenuous threads I’m clinging to are so frayed they can’t hold anymore.
Anyway, what else is new? I’m broken. I’m damaged. I’m exhausted. And I don’t want to face the world. Broken record these days.