This, That and The Other

Love & the Neurologist
Yesterday (Monday the 14th) Love had his follow-up with the neurologist. Turns out the CT scan he had done a few weeks ago was perfectly normal. See, Love has this “whooshing” which kinda pulses in his right ear. Had it for years. But, when the whole vertigo-turned-out-to-be-migraines attacks started a year and a half ago, the whooshing/pulsing got worse. And it seemed to throb more when an attack was eminent.

The general doc and the ENT dismissed it even though it bugs him. The neurologist thought there might be a small chance it was a narrowing of vessels in the base of the skull behind the ear. Even though he had previously gone through an MRI, the neuro said a CT with contrast (“CT-A” he called it) was the best way to see if Love had that problem. Turns out, nope, he doesn’t.

At this point, the neuro thinks it’s (a) unrelated to the migraines (b) not endangering his health nor indicative of health problems in any way and said there’s not really much more to be done. He said we can try following up with a different ENT for maybe a hearing test kinda thing but beyond that, there’s not really much to be done. As far as the neuro can tell, there is absolutely nothing neurologically wrong. Which is a great thing but still leaves us not knowing what the deal is with it.

The neurologist also wants to keep Love on the same migraine med (Propranolol) and at the same dosage for now since it seems to be doing a good job in helping prevent attacks. Love goes back in 3 months for re-evaluation. (Unless of course something drastic changes in which case of course we can call.)

At least though, it seems the migraines are under control and he’s now getting back to “normal” which is a nice relief for both of us.

May 16th & Hysterectomy
Tomorrow of course is my birthday. Yay? Boo? Eek? A little bit of all of the above and more I guess. This birthday is kinda stirring up all kinds of thoughts given it was the end of May last year when my whole what turned into my hysterectomy medical crisis started. It was May 29th when I wound up in the ER. So it’s strange to be almost a year later and comparing where I am now versus then and how much has happened in the past year. It’s almost overwhelming to catalog.

It seems like I’ve come so far in some ways and yet it seems like I still have so far to go. I’m 7 months post-op and mostly feeling pretty good. Though I know I’m still now 100%. Some days I get aches and many days my belly button continues to be cranky at me and it hurts but it’s not in the way that it was when this was new. It’s in the “old war wound” sorta way. You know what I mean? That old injury kinda way where it’s just not quite the same as it used to be.

For the most part, I don’t think about it a lot but I still have some melancholy occasionally. And getting another year old is a little difficult in that sad sorta way because some days I feel less feminine because of my surgery. I feel kinda…damaged. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret the surgery and it was the right choice. There’s just a little bit of sadness on bad days that it WAS needed if that makes sense.

Some days I feel like people look at me different now; like they can see I’m less of a woman. Which again, I know is absurd and illogical but those kinds of things wriggle around in my brain some days. So, getting older kinda reinforces that kinda of “less pretty” / “less feminine” voice. It’s like a type of grief in a way but it’s kinda like part of my brain versus the other part.

I don’t know. I just know that it being my birthday in less than an hour is stirring up a myriad of emotions.

Wrapping Up
So that’s about enough babbling for now I guess. This entry is too long as it is. Nothing much going on tomorrow. It’s a Wednesday so Love has to work. Saturday we’re heading over to Disney to celebrate my birthday then. And the following Monday, I’m getting together with my Mom and sister for a family birthday. Looking forward to both events.

And with that, good bye 34. See you on the flip side at 35.

Tags: depression, healing, hysterectomy, hysterectomy healing timeline, i am obamacare, Love, medical assistance, medical bills, migraines, neurologist, obamacare, PCIP, post op hysterectomy, post surgery, surgery, tlh, total laparoscopic hysterectomy