Last night I said, “screw it” and took a lorazepam and went to bed. I slept. And when 7am came around I woke up realizing I could sleep more. So I called in and went back to bed. I didn’t get up until 10:45am so clearly I needed the rest. I refuse to feel bad for taking the day off because it had been at least two weeks since I’d gotten more then about 3-4 hours of broken sleep in a night.
The lorazepam doesn’t make me sleepy but it turns off the near constant panic that keeps me edgy, freaked out and running horrible scenerios in my mind all night allowing me to just go to sleep. I’ve only resorted to taking it a couple times prior to this because I worry about it’s addictive properties but sometimes you just need the help of medical science however you can get it.
I feel like I could even relax enough to take a nap. Heh. I used to excel at those too but have been unable to let myself doze either. I’m typing this on my iPod because little Gracie is cuddled against me and I was avoiding making her move as long as possible. Few things in life are as sweet as a kitty cuddling up to you, purring and content. It just melts your heart.
Anyway yay sleep. It’s worth it no matter what to finally have gotten some damned rest for a change. I’m never going to get better in terms of this grief, anxiety, etc. if I can’t even get enough sleep to function. Everything is harder when you are exhausted. Being physically exhausted makes the mental exhaustion overwhelming.
12 days til the old birthday. Still bumming it.
Anyway that’s the news of the day so far…
Sent from my iPod
2 thoughts on “Long overdue sleep”
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I’m glad you managed to get some good sleep. I think I would have taken the day off work too, so I don’t blame you.
Take care.
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