Depressing Sunday Night

Sunday nights depress me. It means the start of another week facing the mindless monotony of a job I can’t stand. I dread it so utterly. My mood plummets as the evening goes on and I feel desolate and hopeless. Yeah I know the economy sucks and I should be lucky to have a job. But it’s just so…soulless and I feel like it eats away at me and my Light a little more everyday.

I keep offering to help with other projects – even things that are equally mind-numbing – just to give me some difference to my day. Anything to break up the rote script and completely mindless repetition. But I keep getting totally shot down. Other people who have my job title have duties above and beyond just making the scripted phone calls. They have ways of getting off the phone for an hour or two a day and think about something else for a bit. I don’t. I’m so not used to working in this assembly-line fashion where the entire shift is one thing from start to stop without variation. I have to read the script from a-z over and over and over. The only difference between what I do and a telemarketer is that I am calling existing clients of ours. Beyond that, I’m annoying them with a HUGE list of redundant and stupid questions that they get called on every two months!

I’m not used to working like that. I’ve always been counted on for my WIDE range of skills, my quick learning, my ability to multitask. I’m so much more intelligent then my job. It’s a job someone could do with no skills, no office experience, just straight out of high school. I like diversity and challenge and getting to use my mind a little bit. I like someone coming to me with a problem or a challenge and leaving it up to me to solve. I don’t like being a mindless automaton parroting the badly written words of ten other departments who write questions for a job they’ve never done a day in their life. I feel like the guy from Office Space when he says he has 8 bosses. I’m the lowest of the low on the totem pole and offering suggestions or feedback on what works and what doesn’t is not only not going to result in any change, but I’m looked at like who does this nameless peon think she is to question us? What? I can have an independent thought? Heavens no! I’m just a part-timer!

One of my coworkers is a nice enough girl. She just turned 22 years old. And she’s always so impressed with my knowledge and is constantly in awe of how “smart” I am. I don’t know if I should laugh or cry though by her amazement because she’s as dumb as a post. When you don’t know about major events or anything of pop culture whatsoever – seriously, who doesn’t know who Johnny Carson is, or Dick Clark, or has never heard about the Challenger explosion – how do you even respond to that? She loves her job. And rightly so – it’s at her level. I don’t mean to sound conceited but I’m sorry, I am better then my job. And she has more responsibilities and more duties than I do!

It’ll be eight months this week that I’ve been doing the job. I keep trying to just grin and bear it but damn..these Sunday nights are so brutal. I can’t even express how overwhelmingly sad I am right now knowing I have to face the week. I get so frustrated too because I don’t really make all that much money. (After all, I don’t work many hours.) So it wouldn’t be that hard to make that with my jewelry – if of course, I ever got fucking sales. I make such beautiful things and I flounder. And I see people make junk and charge buttloads of cash and sell like mad. It doesn’t help my mood or the melancholy one iota. If only I could be be more successful. I could do what I wanted and not be stuck with my bullshit job. Why doesn’t it work for me like it does for these less talented people I see with thousands of sold items??

So Sundays suck. I’m a hell of a deep blue funk and I want to curl up and cry myself to sleep. Instead, I need to get ready and go to bed so I can face my stupid fucking job again tomorrow.