Nothing new here but I had a pretty rough weekend health-wise. (And by the way, it's SO UNFAIR to be ill on your days off.) Had a miserable migraine and then it lead to some pretty serious stomach upset.
Sunday night I wasn't feeling well still and Love said I should take Monday to recoup. Which I did and which I needed. Unfortunately, my stomach is hellbent on being difficult right now and this morning I was 30 minutes late to work as a result. Then, half an hour after getting in here, I was back in the restroom at work continuing the "fun" stomach problems.
On top of it all, I barely slept last night. I just kept waking up very suddenly out of nowhere. Must of woken up like 12 times last night. 🙁
This morning, I'm pretty sore and very brain foggy. I can't think too clearly and honestly, I rather be just about anywhere but here. I'm so stalling because I just don't feel like doing anything and I certainly don't feel perky enough to be making calls.
The migraine this weekend was so weird though. I really noticed the severe impairment to my thoughts, thinking and ability to process any kind of information. I could literally feel the sluggishness of my thoughts. I couldn't complete sentences, couldn't get words out, couldn't express myself even though I knew what I was trying to say. It felt honestly, like some kind of brain damage. Like parts of my brain just weren't "on" and working. It was honestly very scary.
I'm noticing that bad impairment of thoughts during migraines more and more lately. I worry that there's some sort of cumulative effect or something. I mean, I've had migraines literally more than half my life now. Surely that can't be a good thing, you know?
I honestly don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to keep going on here at this job like this. Besides the fact that I hate the actual job itself (the people are nice but the job…oh dear gods the job *shudder*) I'm just really in over my head health-wise. 24 hours a week is just…a lot. It's so much more then the massage studio and it's worse hours for me. Getting up at 8:30am is a rough time on my stomach and it starts my day out a lot earlier than is comfortable. By the time I get home and use the restroom and get myself situated, it's like after 5pm – basically making this full-time hours for me. Four days a week, six hours a day – it's a lot of hours for someone who wanted like three, five-hour days, you know? I know I can do 15 hrs and this is seven more then that. It's half again as much as I can comfortably do!
And it's seriously taking it's toll. I've been in so much pain lately. My whole body just hurts – all the time. I ache with a bone-deep weariness I can't put into words. I'm exhausted – constantly. And I'm fighting to keep my stomach in ANY semblance of order, struggling through my migraines which are coming erratically and more frequently then they should, and just overall being mentally beat down.
It's depressing, frustrating and I'm just too broken to do this. Problem is, I can't not have income. So I don't know what to do.
I feel so alone in all of this.
In short, I had a crappy weekend because of my health and I feel awful today and want to go home but I can't. And I don't know what to do about any of it.
:: the ever changing status of m ::
