28 year old
Pagan female who lives in Florida with her guy and
two cats,
loves Disney, reads fanatically, tinkers in
photography and
believes growing up is overrated.
Help support
Pet Cancer Awareness
I lost my beloved cat,
Kush, to cancer
in 2003. Cancer is the #1 disease-related cause of death for
cats and dogs. With your support, together we can find a cure
Noah's Wish
Noah's Wish is a not-for-profit, animal welfare organization,
with a straightforward mission. We exist to keep animals alive
during disasters.
ASPCA
The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
There are people on the net that have nothing better to do
with their time
then be nasty to other people online. They post rude comments, spend hours
a day talking about sites they hate so much, that they well, spend hours a
day talking about them. (lame) They mock the owners and posters for their
opinions and their right to free speech. They expect everyone to fit into
their narrow-minded little world view or else they throw a temper tantrum.
To these people I say grow up.
Here's a bit of info people...the web is
a HUGE place. If you don't like what I say here, or who I am, or what I
do, or talk about, or what I look like, or the color of my hair, or
whatever asinine thing you dwell on, go somewhere else. It's
really, really easy. Honest. You just click the little "x" in
the corner of your browser and *poof* the offending, big, mean and nasty
site has disappeared.
I pay for this site. It's mine. That
means I can use it for whatever the hell I want to. Don't like it if I'm
bitching about something in my life? Oh fucking well. Go somewhere else.
Think I'm stupid for expressing my thoughts? Too fucking bad, don't read
them. Somewhere along the line, someone forgot this simple fact: Live
and let live Don't like me, cool, fine, whatever, I don't care.
This journal is NOT for you. It's for me. I'm not in it for popularity or
fame or anything stupid like that. I write it because I need to write and
express myself and get things out of my head sometimes. So read or don't,
it doesn't matter, but don't waste my time (or yours) bitching about it.
*gets off soapbox*
Tooth Drive: I
have raised, saved and earned around $500 or the $850 I
need for my critical dental needs over the last six
months. Here's how you can help me get the rest of the
way there. All of these give me a credit or an affiliate
bonus. It's not much but it adds up. Please consider
using my link to help in my goal to fix my teeth.
Dreamhost is a great webhost with a TON
of bandwidth and features. I use them myself.
free sterling silver & gemstone jewelry.
not a scam, lovely stuff use
my link and I get 50 cents
my handcrafted jewelry, wearable horns
and more! all hand made
donations through paypal with balance,
check, savings or credit card funds
Snail Mail
M. Turner
Po Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680
blingo is a google-based search engine
that you can win prizes
Don't Even Know Where to Begin Today has been one of the hardest days in a very long time. And sadly, that's saying something. I have too many hard and too many bad days as it is.
I went in for one more of my six total cavities today. Turns out I need a root canal. Here's where I don't even know how to put it all in words. Back in March I went in for my initial consult. I had the broken tooth that happened from a 20 year old filling. That's when we found the six other cavities. We had the one tooth taken care of; filling removed, drilled out all the bactera and decay that had gotten in under, rebuilt it up and crowned it. That alone was over $800. My mom paid for it since it was critical and I didn't have the money. She didn't either, but she charged it.
Over the last six months, we've sold things, raised money, saved and managed to scrape together around $550 for the other half of the work (the six cavities.) It was another $850 for them. Six months and we haven't even been able to come up with it all.
Last week we started working on the cavities. I did two on the bottom left. Today I was going in to finish off the left side and get the one on the top done. But it's not do-able. The decay has gone too far. The dentist said the tooth is dead and it looks like it's been dead for awhile. I have no idea how this happened. First of all, it was x-rayed in March. Now I'll grant you that was half a year ago but still... Secondly, it's never hurt. Not even a little. Not ever. But here we are, facing this nightmare.
He put in a filling for me today anyway. To buy me some time. He guesses I might be able to get two or three months out of it. But it's still a risk. I'm facing abscess, bacteria getting into my gums, surrounding teeth and roots and nerves, getting into my jaw bone and even getting into my ear. Left untreated, bacteria in your mouth can even lead to kidney failure. Not to mention facial deformity (if it gets into the bone) and excessive pain.
The problem is that I'm looking at around $2,300 for this work. The root canal, the core, the buildup and the crown. That's three times as much money as I initally needed that I have to raise in half the time. Somehow, despite only being able to scrimpt, sell and save $550 in six months, I now face needing over two thousand in two or three months. If that. With the holidays just around the corner nonetheless.
I broke down crying right there in the dentist's office. The dr and the assistant both felt so bad to see me uncontrollably cry they kept trying to comfort me. They even let me basically have today's filling for free. I have the credit from today's work ($167) for three months to put towards the restore work after the root canal. Which was really nice of them.
I called the office they referred me to about the root canal. Back top molars start at $900 and go up from there pending difficulty and complications. They gave me a website - dentalplans.com - to check out as a way to get discounts on the work. After some extensive and confusing searching, I've found they accept one of the plans on the site. The plan is $119.95 for a year. But it would save me a few hundred dollars on the root canal, another few hundred on the crown and even some money on the remaining three cavities I still need to fix. Of course, it's another $120 of money I just don't have.
So now I just don't know what to do. I've just been sobbing all day. I went from depressed straight into suicidal in about .001 seconds this afternoon. I honestly can't tell you the last time I wanted to utterly and completely just off myself as badly as I do right this moment. I mean I might as well get on my little spaceship and fly to the fucking moon for all that I'll be able to come up with $2,300 in two months. I can't even conceive of that much money. My car isn't even worth that much money. I literally don't own a single thing that even comes close to that much money. I mean not even close. It's a problem that a bullet to the brain will solve and pretty much nothing else.
Gods I just want it to be over. I can't even express how much I mean that. I don't want to just die, I want to cease to be. I want oblivion. I want to destroy my body and soul so I never ever ever ever have to be again. I'm just so tired of it all and I want it to be over. It never ever ever gets better. Ever. It just gets worse. And I can't do it anymore.
And Now For Something Completely Different - Jewelry! I know I've been focused on my horns a lot this month (and I have a few more yet to upload, not to mention the ebay auctions still going) but I also have a lot of jewelry to update as well. Actually, I have several months worth that's not up on the site yet. So what do I do last night? Get on a kick and make some more. Heh. I've updated last night's creations to the site because I was too excited about them not to share immediately.
You mustclick to see larger on these two. They're gorgous and some of my prettiest work so far I think. Cherry Quartz and Green Aventurite with chain dangle for one and Green Aventurite with teardrop pendant for the other.
Who says you can't have a little fun? I had a handful of these Czech glass beads left (which are quite pretty actually though the flash ruins them) and one bat charm so I thought I'd make something cute with it.
Tomorrow's the dentist so I might be MIA. Which is why I wanted to get these items up today for your viewing pleasure. I have a ton more jewelry to get sorted and uploaded, but these few items have already taken up a chunk of my afternoon. It's silly how much time it takes to update a site. It's much more fun to just make the pieces! ;)
Lack of Sleep Ugh. I have just not been sleeping well for about three days now. I wake up a million times overnight and then it takes me upwards of an hour to fall back asleep. When I do sleep long enough to dream, it's weird and frustrating. Not like a nightmare, just like aggravations and things not working or things breaking or whatever. Very frustrating and tiresome. I wake up in the middle of them and I don't remember exactly what it was but I still have that stressed out feeling from them. Then I can't get back to sleep. Rinse and repeat.
I know you guys are sick of hearing about it by now but I just updated PhoenixFire Designs with a few new horn styles. Like this one which is my new favorite:
I still have literally months of jewelry to add that needs photographing, editing and uploading. Ugh. Needless to say, I've gotten so far behind on everything it's just stupid. How can such trivial things take so much damned time?
Not looking forward to Thursday. That's the next day of dental work. Joy. My mouth is finally starting to feel better and I really don't feel like dealing with it all over again. Though I keep getting these random twinges from the two teeth that were done last time. Not so much painful but very irritating. They come on, annoy me for an hour or so and then just disappear. Bleck.
I'm so jealous of everyone's Autumn posts. Seems fall has come to everywhere but Florida. (Which is typical, but I'm still just soooo burnt out on the unrelenting heat and humidity.) We've been in the upper 80's with feels-likes in the low/mid-90's. (Tomorrow is supposed to be 91F.) Every day. With tons and tons of humidity. And, to add insult to injury, the pollen is very high right now. So it's sinus headache happy fun time. Dammit. Will November hurry up and get here so the weather might decide to cool down?
Waiting on dinner. Hungry. Forgot to eat anything today. Bad me. But my stomach was hurting and I really wasn't feeling like putting any food in me. Hockey's going to be on at 7:30pm, so I'll watch that. It's a tough one. The Lightning are playing Boston. Boston is Love's all-time team. So I don't really want either team to lose tonight. Heh. :)
Alright, I'm just kinda blathering at this point. But I haven't written much in the way of actual entries lately. Just been so focused on trying to raise some money this month. Sadly, it's not really working out like I hoped. Last year I had a couple dozen horn orders. This month I've had like five so far. Needless to say I've just kinda been pulling my hair out trying to make it another successful season. Maybe it'll all hit at once and I'll be complaining I've got too many orders to keep up with. One can only hope.
Ebay Sales are Live! I've got FIVE PAIRS LIVE right now on ebay for anyone who's yet to order their pair. Please help spread the word if you know anyone looking for unique, original, one-of-a-kind costume ideas!
Don't forget too that I have tons more styles, colors and combinations for sale on PhoenixFire Designs!
I'm adding brand new styles as well - PLUS! - I always am happy to do custom orders as well. (Like it but want a different color? No problem! Want it bigger? Smaller? Can do!)
Remember, I am trying to finish raising the money for the rest of my dental work. A good season of horns sales can help that happen!
