Reminders of Things Best Left Forgotten

Posted by miss m on Monday, March 14, 2016 @ 11:04pm in General Blather, Grief, Rants |

Trigger Warning: abusive father bullshit ahead

This one is dark and heavy. There’s also lots of cursing head. Fair warning.

Backstory in summary form: the douchebag who is my biological father was an asshole who abused us, tormented me, and traumatized me, my sister and mother. My mom finally divorced him when I was 13 but I kept interacting with him out of obligation until I was 16 at which point I decided I was old enough to chose that I did not want to put up with him anymore, did not want him part of my life and I cut all ties.

He was such a petty ass that he moved back to PA and cashed in my Florida prepaid college fund as soon as it became available when I turned 18. It would have paid 100% of 4 years tuition at any State of Florida university. Instead, he bought himself a fucking truck with the money. I never had a chance to go to college as a result.

Needless to say I haven’t had jack shit to do with him since. I don’t know where he lives, I haven’t spoke to him in over 20 years and life will be perfection if I never have to even think of him for the rest of my life.

Except sometimes he still fucking shows up in the most absurd places and I am forced to give him space in my head again against my will. Like, you know, getting a cell phone.

You might remember I had my credit card stolen in December. Some jerk used it to pay for credit monitoring. (The single most ironic bit of credit fraud ever.) Anyway, as a result, I put a fraud alert on my credit reports to ensure if anyone tried to open any accounts under my name or ss#, they would have to call me to verify first.

So when we decided it was time to get new phones, t-mobile had a bogo on the Galaxy S7, we switched over both lines together under a family plan there. But of course, that meant I had go through identification verification to validate I was me.

Question #1: you bought property at 123 street name. Who was the seller?
a) john doe
b) john smith
c) jane fonda
d) did not buy property

Ok easy, d.

Question #2: you bought a car. What bank did it come from?
a) bank 1
b) bank 2
c) bank 3
d) did not buy a car

Again, easy.

Question #3: In what state does ASSHOLE’S NAME live in?

…at this point, I must have made a sound. Because the credit guy says, “do you know ASSHOLE’S NAME?” and I’m like…technically that’s my biological father’s name. But I haven’t spoken to him since I was 16 so I have no idea where he lives. Last I knew it was PA but it’s been more than 20 years since I last gave a shit.

This left me feeling so gross. Just…fuck. It’s not fair that some stupid fucking credit bureau would not only have us fucking connected (even though, again, I WAS STILL A MINOR the last time I had anything to do with him!!!) but even worse, that he would just show up in my fucking identity verification.

It makes it worse somehow. Like I’m not even fucking ME without having to be reminded of him again. Even though he never did fuckall for me except leave me scarred and damaged.

So yeah. I’m so angry about this. And I feel dirty and gross about the whole thing. And there’s not a single thing I can do about it either.

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