**WOO WOO ALERT**
Head’s up. This post will discuss spiritual/mystical/magical type things. I get not all of you are into that so if it’s not your vibe, just scroll on by.
Ok, so I tried thc for the first time in my life about a year and a half ago as a way to maybe try and help and my chronic pain/inflammation/sleep disruptions/etc. due to my lupus and such. And I found that not only does it help (significantly actually) but turns out, I “get it” now; it’s also a good time and I enjoy it and I like that there’s levels to it and what I want out of the experience.
Some days it’s a lower dose just to take the edge off; kinda like having a drink or two, a happy buzz that kind of thing. Some days, I take an edible with CBN because it really does an amazing job helping me sleep deeply and without waking up. And some days, I just want to really delve into the depths of consciousness and I go cosmic.
I find that more intense sessions often lead to me getting back in touch with my spirituality and energy in a way I had let go of years ago. I used to do a lot more energy work and I used to connect to my higher self and altered states of reality and consciousness back in the day through meditation and such, but life being what it is, it slowly got put on the back burner. Now, I’m reconnecting with that through specifically tailored sessions using thc as a way to help jump start my consciousness expansion. It helps me reopen closed doors in my mind easily if that makes sense.
So….all that is backstory to say lately, when I embrace my personal spiritual form and energy, it’s coming very strongly in my “phoenix” form. I feel my wings and I feel my power and it’s totally in that fiery form. Which leads me to believe the Universe is trying to tell me it’s time to change again. I need to let go of this current path and forge a new one from the ashes of the old.
Thing is, I’m not sure WHAT the new path is. I know I need to reinvent myself. I am Listening. But…I can’t see the way yet. I know some of this has to do with my business and how my health is impacting what I can do (like it’s getting to a point where I’m not going to be able to do shows much longer. It’s just too hard on me physically) but I’m not sure what the new direction needs to be. Writing? Videos? Content creation? Something else artistic? There’s something new waiting but I just can’t bring it into focus yet.
For days after a guided energy working session, I’m left with the lingering reminders of the fact I need to find a new direction. I can just feel it tickling the back of my awareness but I can’t grab it yet.
I named my business PhoenixFire Designs because it’s how I identify. I have several….”forms” for lack of a better word and I grow through one and eventually it comes through time when the fire ignites and it’s time to grow and change again – and I’m entering one of those phases right now.
I AM a phoenix; I have always been cyclical and changing and right now, I’m reminded I’ve grown stagnant. I just don’t know what the direction and form is supposed to be! ARG it’s so frustrating because in those moments of mind expansion, I can just….almost….not quite touch it. I feel the need and the urge to grow and change bubbling up inside of me, but I don’t know where to go.
So that’s been coloring my thoughts for the past few weeks. The growing awareness it’s time for a change but the inability to see what or how to get there.
If you made it this far, congrats! That was some word soup. Some of you are probably thinking I’ve gone batty and sorry, but even if I don’t always talk about it, I’ve always been a very non-religious but spiritual person. I have Deep Thoughts about Life, The Universe, and Everything and a lot of it is from my personal experiences over the years. Maybe it’s my looming birthday that’s prompting my need to change again, but I know I need to find it, but I don’t know *how* to find it – yet.