I think it’s official at this point. I simply am no longer capable of sleeping.
Last night, I took some Benadryl specifically so I could sleep. And instead, I lay there awake until about 1:30am. Then I woke up around 3am from a nightmare and again around 4am with the same thing.
I got up when Love’s alarm went off at 5:30am, dozed for about a half an hour and then was awake again from 6am until almost 7am. My alarm went off at 7:45am and I got up to get ready for work.
Sleeping has never been a problem for me. Never. I love to sleep and I excel at it. Now though? I just can’t. I just lay there and nothing happens. I’m stressed and anxious about a million stupid things that don’t even matter and I get myself all running in circles in my mind on “what ifs.” It’s so aggravating because it’s not even real worries, just exaggerated scenarios that are nowhere near likely whatsoever!
Not sleeping isn’t helping other things such as my stomach hurting constantly and my head hurting all the time. Not to mention, it feeds the depression and aggravation and inability to function or desire to try to function. I already don’t want to get up and go to work but without sleep, the sliver of drive I have to do it anyway completely evaporates.
I’m here at work but I so don’t want to be. I’m tired and quite frankly, I just don’t give a damn. More then anything though, I just want some rest.