My mom died yesterday.
I’m sure one of these days I’ll have the energy to talk about how we got here, but for now, I just feel the need to write and I’m starting at the end rather than the beginning. So forgive me.
Category: Grief
Gracie
From the beginning, I knew something was wrong with Gracie’s mouth. It’s why I initially took her to the vet. But the vet felt the drooling was a nausea issue and got fixated on her abdomen and wound up sending me to a specialist for detailed blood work and ultrasound. All that cost me around…
Gut Punch (My Reaction On the Eve of the 2016 Presidential Election)
I don’t have the words to adequately describe how disappointed, disgusted and literally scared I feel in this moment as a woman in this country. I knew we were still a country battling bigotry, misogyny, hatred and even anti-intellectualism, but….but. This is something else entirely. I thought we were better than this. I thought decency…
Another mass shooting in America
The victims and families of the mass shooting in Orlando last night don’t want your prayers or your thoughts. They want your OUTRAGE that a small percent of gun nuts have successfully lobbied against passing ANY common sense gun laws and have put their profits over the lives of human beings. RAGE to your elected…
Reminders of Things Best Left Forgotten
Trigger Warning: abusive father bullshit ahead This one is dark and heavy. There’s also lots of cursing head. Fair warning.
Goodbye Nanny
My Nanny – my Mom’s Mother; my maternal grandmother – passed away this morning. She was 98. She had been suffering from dementia for years though so we’ve mourned her in spirit for a long time, today we mourn her in body as well. Nanny was a widower. My grandfather was killed in a car…
A world less funny
Like many last night, I heard the shocking and sad news of Robin Williams’ death. Like a punch to the gut, it came out of nowhere and it stole my breath away. And like many, I’m left with a jumbled mess of emotion about this, unsure how to properly feel or react. Logically, I know…
The Day the Element Died
First off: Love is ok. The car, however is dead. It’s been a fucking morning from hell. My phone rang at 7am. I had been asleep 4 hours. It was my guy in a shaky voice telling me he was in an accident. I threw clothes on and drove to his work. (About 30 minutes…
And There Went July
So…yeah. Another month [nearly] gone and only a lone entry thus far to mark it’s passage. That’s just sad. I’ve been meaning to write an entry for like two weeks now but it never seems like I have the time. Plus, summers are dull in Florida; all the locals hibernate from the sweltering heat and…
Three Years
To my dear friend… Lovingly remembered Deeply missed Never forgotten Rand July 30, 1967 – March 13, 2010
Another Halloween Gone
Well, I was actually going to finally try and get back into Halloween a little this year. For so many years, it was wrapped up in traditions with our friend Rand, from carving pumpkins to decorating his house, to dressing up and handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters from his house. When he passed away…
Happy Halloween
Yesterday, I carved a foam (fake) pumpkin. It was the first I’d made since Rand died and we accidentally lost the dozen or so pumpkins that we had saved over the years. And unlike the one I made for Mom, this one, I used one of the fancy patterns. Tonight, I think I’m going to…
Happy Birthday Rand
Today would have been Rand’s 45th birthday. He was born in 1967; ten years before me and one year after my sister. Also just 10 days before Love’s brother. Funny how things connect like that sometimes. We lost him far too soon on March 13, 2010. Of course, as the date drew closer, I started…
Selfish Grief
I’ve discovered with Rand’s passing that grief has many faces, shows up in many different ways and comes and goes with varying impact – even long after you think it should still bother you. It was two years this March and many days it’s easier to deal with; the grief is well-worn in and doesn’t…
In A Bad Place
I thought I was dealing with last week being the 2nd anniversary of Rand’s death pretty well, until I realized last night as I was getting ready for bed that I’m actually in a bad place. I’m really angry and have no patience right now and everything is overwhelming pissing me off disproportionately to what…