Today would have been Rand’s 45th birthday. He was born in 1967; ten years before me and one year after my sister. Also just 10 days before Love’s brother. Funny how things connect like that sometimes. We lost him far too soon on March 13, 2010. Of course, as the date drew closer, I started…
Category: Grief
Selfish Grief
I’ve discovered with Rand’s passing that grief has many faces, shows up in many different ways and comes and goes with varying impact – even long after you think it should still bother you. It was two years this March and many days it’s easier to deal with; the grief is well-worn in and doesn’t…
In A Bad Place
I thought I was dealing with last week being the 2nd anniversary of Rand’s death pretty well, until I realized last night as I was getting ready for bed that I’m actually in a bad place. I’m really angry and have no patience right now and everything is overwhelming pissing me off disproportionately to what…
Explosion
I came into my kitchen this afternoon to see this: WTF? It was semi-liquid, but also sticky and smelled like weirdly metallic pineapple. And it was EVERYWHERE: Two full bags of ruined and sodden items later, I finally found the culprit; I apparently had a can of Dole pineapple juice I didn’t know about: It…
Painfully Numb
Today is two years since my best friend, Rand, passed away. And needless to say, it’s been difficult for me all over again. I read in a book recently that grief never truly goes away, you just kinda forget about it until something reminds you and then the pain rushes back as fresh as ever….
Feeling Blue
It’s the time of year again where I get a little sad and melancholy. When dates and events start reminding me of my friend Rand’s passing two years ago. It stirs up some sadness and feelings of grief. Two years ago, Love was getting ready to celebrate his 40th birthday on the 18th. So Rand…
Tuesday Blues
Today I have an appointment at 2:45pm with the hematologist. It’s a follow-up to my pre-op appointment to determine how he wants to proceed with getting my iron stores (ferritin level) back up to normal levels. It was originally going to be last week but my Mom had an appointment that day and I wasn’t…
Depression
This is a hard post to write for a lot of reasons. It’s hard to put it in words first of all. It’s also hard to admit how bad things are right now for me. I’m in a really bad place right now. And I have been for awhile. Ever since this all started, it’s…
Happy Birthday Rand
Today would have been Rand’s 44th birthday. It’s the second birthday since his passing. Not going to say much here I’ll start crying but… I miss you, Rand. Happy Birthday.
End of the Week
It’s the end of another week and we’re in the final days of July. Hard to imagine it’s almost August. Tomorrow, we have the big garage sale at Mom’s house. I’m heading up there when Love gets home to bring up a few more items and my sister had more items to bring up as…
Love’s Dad
I just talked to Love. His dad has taken a serious turn for the worse. They thought the origin of the infection was the gallbladder and removing most of it would make him better but apparently not because he’s worse. Much worse. He’s going septic and he’s on a ventilator. They’re flooding him with antibiotics…
A Momentary Flash of Grief
At my job I contact households associated with us. I can't really say how they're associated without giving away what company I work for but it's all established and on-going relationships. (Rather than sales calls or people who don't know who we are, etc.) We call the households to do updates and confirm our data…
Birthday Countdown
I have a little countdown widget on the domain blog but I forgot that it won’t show up to those who read me on livejournal, so I’m making a post about it since they crosspost automatically. Last year’s birthday was really sad and quite a downer. I was just getting over the sudden and unexpected…
Emotional
So I wound up breaking down crying last night. Then I slept like crap. I woke up this morning…and broke down crying again. I tried to get myself ready for work but just was so overwhelmed with everything about the one-year “anniversary” of Rand’s passing I was just an emotional wreck. I wound up calling…
One Year Later
My dear friend, I still miss you so much. I’m not sure what else to say than that.